And the award for the best resume goes to…

Writing a resume (CV) is never easy an easy task…..but they sure can be funny.

Below are actual lines from some resumes I have received over the past few days:

1. Objective: To work with a company where it’s possible to fully utilize my energy. (No problemo, join us and we will make sure to drain all the energy out of you)
2. Martial Status: Exempted (Pleeeeeaaaaaseee tell me what you did to get exempted from marriage, please, please, please.)
3. Martial Status: Straight (Hahahaha. No comment)
4. Martial Status: Single Male (…and are you looking?)
5. Martial Status: Maryed (I guess your husband is Johned)
6. Inspector of English (So when do you think you would be promoted to Detective of English?)
7. Experience: Instructuret of English (I should team you up with that Inspector of English)
8. Email: ****nobody@yahoo.com (Talk about low self-esteem)
9. Email: ****bloodsucker@yahoo.com (Now this guy would be prefect for that new opening we have as Dracula’s assistant)
10. Good communication skills: a. Own a car (Hmmm, I wonder which body part you use to communicate well when driving, hahaha He seriously put owning a car under communication skills)
11. Personal Info: Have a wild Kuwaitis car license (Now why couldn’t I get one of those!!)
12. Language: Italian ‘Fear in speaking; Good in Writing’ (Fear, huh? Fear of sounding sexy when speaking Italian, eh? wink, wink)
13. Other skills: a. Body Language b. Common Senses (Body Language AND common sense, can I marry you?)
14. Major: English. Estimation: Good (So you are good at estimating things huh? Let me test you, estimate the duration of my next mood swing)
15. Languages: Arabic = good; English = good (Yeah, who needs to be excellent in any language, anyway)
16. ….WI-FI (or High Infidelity) (Describing your marriage?)
17. I have experience in the following areas: a. 3D Max, b. Flash, c. And another program (…I wonder why he wants to keep the name of the ‘other’ program a secret, hmmm?)
18. Education: Lesance Faculty of Art part of Archology (Now I forgot, remind me again, does one get their lesance before or after Bachelors?…oh and which arch did you specialize in?)
19. Skills: I’ve lived in Kuwait for over 15 years. (So you should ace the typical Kuwait history questions one always asks in interviews.)

A Tip:

Picture: Dudes, you don’t have to include a picture, but if you do, try to use one other than your mug shot.

Leave it to God

You ask him for something you have longed for all your life and he just ignores it; but mumble something carelessly and he puts all the powers in the universe–the clouds, the wind, the moon and the sky–to work to grant it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, sometimes the best gift God can give you is to let your prayers go unanswered….yeeaaaahh, yeaaaaah, yeaaahh…seen those inspirational quotes…am actually thinking of framing them!!!…seen that presentation, “Questions from God“…loved it…but can’t he just grant this one thing to me after all these years.

Background to my Rant

So, a few days ago I stumble upon an article on people who are addicted to objects.

Me 1: Am I addicted as well?

Me 2: Naaay. You used to be. But you are ok now.

Me 1: Yeah, I used to cling on to that PDA, didn’t I?

Me 2: But you let go.

Me 1: How about internet?

Me 2: Weeeeelllll…..I wouldn’t say it is a severe addiction. You used to be terrible, remember?

Me 1: Yeah…used to get up in the middle of the night to check it.

Me 2: But that was over 8 years ago. You are much better now.

Me 1: Hey only a few months ago I used to check my email first thing in the morning while I was still in bed, remember?

Me 2: But you don’t anymore.

Me 1: Yeah but coz we don’t have wireless anymore. I wonder if I can stay offline for 1 day. You know, resist the temptation.

So the next day I go to work; had forgotten all about my little soul-to-soul dialogue; tried to check my personal email and …OMG…gasp…lost of breath…ahhh…there’s no connection…something is wrong with our connection.

The connection is restored but then it’s goes down again after 3-4 minutes. It was like that for a few days. It didn’t dawn on me that this is God’s little doing until I tried to log in my account during the 3 minute connection time I had but couldn’t remember my password!!!!

And then for the next 2 days there was no connection at all!!!!

NO INTERNET!!!!

ME: Oh, come on God! I was just kidding when I said I wanted to become detached from the net. If you really want to do something for me, give me what I always wanted; I’ll handle my internet addiction on my own

[Two days later...a much wiser ME]

I can’t believe I was “clean” for 2 days. I did not log onto the net for 2 whole days!!! Me, no internet for two whole days!!! Could you believe that??!!! Not even for a second…and you know what? I feel good. It was emotional healthy…it gave me time to contemplate on a lot of things…

…and

…I think

…I might have actually taken a step towards reaching the thing that I always begged God for

.

…I guess this is how God answers your prayers. As I’m typing this I’m beginning to realize

it….hmmmm….Thank you, thank you God fortaking care of the seconds so I can take care of the hours…and sorry for my rant

PS. But I missed the virtually world like hell, good to be back.

PPS. Going out now, but when I come back I plan to be online till weeeeeeee hours of the morning to make up for the two days I was “clean” …hey I can’t quit cold turkey:D

Just when you think…

Just when you think you have broken the ice with your new soul, your new being, your new self; jut when you think you are getting comfortable in your new skin, your new essence, your new you, in comes the angel of darkness to test your strength.

A few days ago, my little train ride to destination serenity derailed. My arch enemy-depression- hopped on board again. I had fallen into the same trap:

• Phone off hook all day
• Retreat into my dark cave
• Mix emotions of anger, frustration, despair, sadness
• Aimless car drives
• Beach walks

I wish I knew what triggered it. If I did, I’ll deal with it. The biggest lesson I learnt from last time was that I must communicate, mustn’t bottle things up. And I did adhere to this self-imposed principle; things were going so well for a while. What happened? What lesson must I learn this time?

Well, tonight my good old aquintance found its place on my face again—a smile. Where did that come from? Why was I smiling again all of a sudden. Why did I feel light again. Why was TODAY a good day? Mustn’t miss the lesson; gotta know why.

Shisha Breathalyzers

Boy am I glad they don’t exist!!!

Note to self: The next time you go out for shesha make sure you have a desginated driver

New Iranian Channel

Dude: So your president Nejad was on Zaandaaah channel last night and he…

Moi: Huh? Nejad was speaking Arabic? Really? How’s his Arabic?

Dude: It wasn’t in Arabic; he was speaking Farsi. Anyway, he said…

Moi: woooooo; hold on. Which channel?

Dude: Zaaandaa

Moi: …and it wasn’t translated?

Dude: It’s an Iranian channel.

Moi: Huh? No way. We get over 60 Iranian channels and none of them is called Zaaandaa. Must be new.

Dude: Noooooppppeee. It’s been around for ages.

Moi: Wacha you doing watching Iranian Channels anyway?

Dude: You want me to get you the frequency?

Moi: Yeah why not. Let’s make it 61 channels.

[2 minutes later]

Moi: You sure it wasn’t just Zaan. That means woman in Farsi.

Dude: Nope

Moi: Ahh well. I don’t know this channel either anyway

[5 minutes later]

Moi: Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Huge smile.

Moi: Was it written like this زنده?

Dude: yeah

Moi: That means ‘live’ in Farsi.

Dude: Oooooooopps

Moi: That’s so cute. Reminds me of the days when we first got a satelite dish in Tehran and I always wondered why so many Arabic channels had the same name “Mobasher” (That means ‘live’ in Arabic)

Tagged by Intlxpatr

1. Last movie you saw in a theater?

Deja Vu (yeah I know, ages ago; don’t go to the movies here much coz it’s censored/edited)

2. What book are you reading?
Fiction: Was reading ‘My Name is Red‘ but didn’t really grab my attention so started “Snow Falling on Cedars” today

Non-Fiction: “Blink“by Malcolm Gladwell

3. Favorite board game?
Been ages since I last played a board game. As a kid loved, Clue, Risk, Monopoly..actually hated Monopoly; always ended up in jail

4.Favorite magazine?
Only read online ones. If it’s free, I read it.

5. Favorite smell?
Got 2: The smell of the first rain drop mixed with the dust in the air vents in our house in Tehran.

….and freshly baked cake….oohh …ohh and freshly mown grass

6. Favorite food?
Persian and Lebanese…actually anything my mom cooks

7. Favorite sound?
Again got 2: The way my niece says ‘Khaleeeeeehhhh” (auniteeeeee)

…..and raindrops falling on my head…oh and waves

8. Worst feeling in the world?
Feeling unloved, unwanted and unappreciated by a loved one

9. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up?

On a good morning: Hmmmmm, I think I can get in 5 more minutes of sleep

On a bad morning: Let’s see how far I can throw the alarm clock today

On an ugly morning: Where’s my gun so I can shoot the person who invented the alarm clock.

10. Favorite fast food place?
Burger King (although I don’t eat much junk food anymore)..does Pizza count as junk food? If so, Peppes Pizza

11. Future child’s name?
I’ve never actually thought of what I would name my future kids, just what I would never name them.

12. Finish this statement. If I had a lot of money:
….I would explore this beautiful world of ours

13. Do you drive fast?
Who doesn’t?

14. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
Ehmmm. I’ll take the fifth on this one…

15. Storms cool or scary?
Coooooooooooooool

16. What was your first car?
A white paykan

17. Favorite drink?
These days, good old H2O. With certain food, doogh (in the pic, it’s in the top right corner) with crushed dried mint sprinkled on top

18. Finish this statement, “If I had the time I would…”:
read all the articles I have bookmarked

19. Do you eat the stems on broccoli?
Not even if it is crushed into powder and then sprinkled over chocolate. Hey, I just started eating fruits and vegetables again..1 step at a time.

20. If you could dye your hair any color, what would be your choice?
I did!! 3 weeks ago I’m not sure what the shade is called though; honey something.

21. Name all the different cities/ towns you have lived in?
Kuwait, Dollard des Ormeaux (Montreal District), Mississausga (Toronto District), Isfahan, Tehran

22. Half empty or half full?
Learning to see it half full again

23. Favorite sports to watch?
Any sport as long as Italian men are playing

25. Morning person, or night owl?
It’s a sin for me to get up before 8:30

26. Over easy, or sunny side-up?
suuuuunnnnnyyyyy..oh and with dates fried in them..and cottage cheese …and honey all nicely mixed

27. Favorite place to relax?
My haven…still searching for it

28. Favorite pie?
Not into pies; got a sweet tooth for chocolate ice cream

I tag Proshat, Rieanne, and Happy Wolf

Inspired by Intlxpatr

Love looking at pictures. Why? Cause they really do say a thousand words. They take you to the wildest spot in your imagination.

Love taking pictures. Why? Cause it’s therapeutic. It helps me discover who I am. When you take a picture, you force yourself to look at an image from an angle you don’t normally bend to; you see it within a frame, no foreign surrounding objects to distract your mental perception.

Unfortunately I had lost touch with Camy (my camera, lame I know, gotta come up with a new nickname for her

Well 2 days ago a post by Intlxpatr inspired me to hunt Camy down and take her out for a ride.

What I forgot was that, I hadn’t taken the time to get to know Camy well. I still don’t know how to work her button. So most of the pix I took, turned out too bright, background too blurry, moving object too fuzzy, etc. But what the heck!! I had a blast, especially at Sharq fish and vegetable market.

Thank you Intlxpatr for the push.

Changing your mindset puzzle

A while ago I had a go at this puzzle:

• The fig shows 4 squares-A,B,C&D.
• 1/4th of squares A,B&C is shaded.

Question 1. Divide unshaded portion of ‘A’ into TWO equal & identical parts.

Someone actually calls this a puzzle!!!. Voila la solution:

ANSWER:

Question 2. Divide unshaded portion of ‘B’ into THREE equal & identical parts.

Hahaha, you gotta be kidding me. Am I the only genius in this world?

ANSWER:

Question 3. Divide unshaded portion of ‘C’ into FOUR equal & identical parts.

Clues:
The solution is not in the form of triangles.
The solution lies in the problem itself.

Okay, now it’s beginning to get a bit tough. Hmmmm. 4 equal parts, hmmmm….ok hold on there are 2 clues:

Nope, nope. Come on think, think….not in the form of triangle huh?….come on, think, think…..come on cheat, cheat…Ok, so I gotta cheat.

ANSWER:

Question 4. Divide ‘D’ into SEVEN equal & identical parts.

Clues :

The solution is not in the form of triangles

Ok, this time I was determined not to cheat. I put my gray brain cells to work. 10 secs…no answer…20 secs…30 secs…no answer…phone rang…had to go.

I had completely forgotten about this puzzle. A few days later, I came across it again and I went straight to the last puzzle.

I read the question again. OMG, I couldn’t answer this question before!!! I couldn’t divide an empty square into 7 equal parts!!!

Had I understood the question before? Was that why I couldn’t answer it?

Nope, I had understood it quite perfectly. The problem was that one minute I had spent answering the previous 3 questions was enough to program my mind into one line of thinking.

I can’t believe only 1 minute was enough to change my mindset!!!!

I wonder how else and to what extent my environment has influenced my reality?

oh and here’s the answer

"The Road" by Googoosh

I was having a conversation with a non-Iranian friend and he mentioned he knows 1 or 2 Persian words.

“Like what?” I asked curiously.

“Well, I love the way “biya” (come) sounds.”

With raised eyebrows I asked? “Where did you hear it?”

“At the end of a Googoosh songs.”

He then scream out, “Biiiiiiiiiiiiiyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaa aaaaaa aaaaaaa.”

After managing to get myself of the floor from the impact of that scream, I asked him, “How do you know Googoosh?!!!”

His what-kind-of-stupid-question-is-that face was the only answer I got.

“Do you know what the whole song is about?”

“Not really.” with a huge grin on his face.

As I sat there and crossed my fingers and prayed and sent out implicit signals not to ask me to translate it for him, I was also wondering whether the Iranian national symbol is ‘Chelo Kabab’ or ‘Googoosh’. Hmmmmm?

Anyway he was too daft to pick up my implicit plea and since I was in my not so bitchy mood, I did translate it for him.

Here’s the translation of “The Road” (Jadeh) by Googoosh

God, did not see the tears of the traveler;

He did not become attached to anyone;

He didn’t have to break free from anyone.

Man, built the road;

To get away from home;

To reach exile

The road is calling out my name;

It tells me today is the day to break free.

A small back pack full of memories is on my trembling shoulders.

From of all the good and bad people;

From all the good and bad tales;

What has remained for me but a memory?

A vague image in the dust on the window

The road has put out its arms;

It’s waiting for me to go with it.

I’m singing the bitter story of goodbye even though my lips are closed

To leave behind the memories;

All the love and all the attachment;

It’s hard but I have no choice;

The road is crying out: Coooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeee

Click here to listen to the song

There are no dead ends in life

You reach a dead end in life. Can’t turn left; can’t turn right. What do you do? What do you do?

What did I do?

For a while–nothing. I stood still. What could I do? Where could I go? I was stuck. It was solitary confinement.

Every once in while, a glance was shot to the right…got bored, then to the left…got bored. Looked up…screamed…got tired of screaming..dropped to the ground…took the fetus position and rocked myself to my comfront zone.

…until that moment. That pivotal moment. The moment the winds of turmoil twirled me around and showed me another path.

How could I have not seen it?

There are no dead ends in life.

There was a way.

Backwards…reverse…go back along the path you came.

So I walked.

I’ve been walking a couple of months now.

How far should I go? How far do I want to go? Where do I want to go? Where do i want to reach?

Where?….To the home of tranquility…serenity…happiness.

I was there once. I had the address. But it was far. Last time I lived there was over 25 years ago. Yes, the place I needed to go was my childhood self. I had to get in touch with her again. She was peaceful, she was serene. She was in love. In love with the world. In love with her surroundings. In love with…well…with herself.