Why couldn’t I picture it?

Out of the blue, he writes, “Have you ever seen your own gravestone? A hazy mental image of my name over my eternal resting place pops into my head. He doesn’t wait for my reaction though, he’s in his own world, typing away, bouncing things off me.

“I did, I went to my grandfather’s village when I was 12. Walking around the meadow like most schoolboys do, probing for some kind of movie-like adventure. I stumbled on an abandon graveyard. It was almost sunset; the grass with their bright golden aurora formed a cozy blanket around most of those eternal beds. One by one, I read the names off their stones…my whole being froze when my eyes fell on that one stone. It was my name. My full name craved in stone. It was like…I dunno know how I felt…I knew it wasn’t me…but…it was…my name…my name…my name…on a stone…on a grave…in the middle of nowhere…”

I don’t type anything back. I am there taking that walk with him. I want to be there. The image emerging is clear, serene, pleasant…why am I smiling? I go and stand next to him. I like it here. I look at where he is looking. There is his name. But where is mine? Why can’t I see it? The letters don’t dance around and change into my name as they should. I want to see my name. Why can’t I?

He types back, “Anyway, sorry I brought up death. I don’t usually bring up …”

But I’m not reading…I’m upset…why can’t I picture my name on my stone? What is blocking it? I know I am not afraid of death, heck I have already written my will.


11 thoughts on “Why couldn’t I picture it?

  1. actually not seeing your own grave is a good thing.
    some cultures believe that being able to see your own grave means that death is coming!

  2. i cant hide the feeling…I am scared of death…

    one becuz i dont know what happens after I am no longer present in this world…and mainly cuz I sometimes picture how my loved ones would feel after I die and how sad they might be

    I have thought about death alot..I almost think about it everyday…and the more I do the more and more saddness I feel…I picture my children crying and and calling my name….oh my god…and I cant get to them…that alone is torture to me 😦

    I just pray to god that I die when my children are grown adults with children of their own

  3. I sometimes try to picture what my gravestone would be like… with no success really. I can’t see my name written & the poem that i have mentioned in my will on the gravestone. More because I dont want to picture it in the ‘MAGHBARE’ where all my family is buried. I want to picture a lone tree up on a hill where I would spend my eternity. I guess I want the grass to cover the grave, so that noone would be able to see my name… just a shadow of a past existance….

  4. Hey there! Lovely blog. And thanks for mentioning Death… it’s always an interesting coincidence when the topic is brought up; I take as an omen that something important is changing in my life… even if I can’t quite picture my own tombstone in my mind’s eye.

    Maybe you’re about to leave behind celibacy and fall in love! 😉

  5. death sucks! Its not allowed to pass by me or the ones i love. i have a deal! but, . intersing post.

  6. captain: thanks

    happy wolf: well most of my thoughts make no sense 😛 It was just part of a conversation i had on yahoo messenger.

    solar alchemist: even if i am ready for death?

    ghasheema: Oh i can’t stand my loved ones even being sick. which is why i would like to go before them.

    proshat: nicely expressed. me too

    tamara: I am too intelligent to fall in love 😛

    pinkjawbreaker: I can’t believe this!!! Just a few seconds ago I said to myself, igot to get rid of that pic!! Thanks for brightening up my day…well night.

    niqa: totally agree with you. But why couldn’t i picture it??????? I can’t figure myself out. all i know is that there is something deep within my subconscious that is bugging me

    bb: i have nothing to hold on to

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