The Mr. Hyde in me is wide awake

Almost 2 months ago I embarked on a dangerous journey. A journey of self discovery—to find out who is hiding behind that mask. The mask I had been wearing so long that it had become part of my face, it had made me invisible. Invisible even to myself.

I just had to take the mask off. I was tired of being invisible. Little did I know what ugliness was behind that mask.

Certain stages of the shedding away process of this mask was previously logged. But what I refused to bring on paper was the side of me that surfaced that actually made me feel good…the side that screamed insanely at a parking attendant for asking me to move my car, the side of me that shrugged shoulders when I saw the feeling of the hurt I had caused in the eyes of close friends, the side of me that smacked strangers in elevators for not taking their fingers off a button, the side of me that treated nice people like pieces of chess board game…and why was not being me making me feel good? No remorse. No remorse at all.

I wasn’t even searching for a why? Too oblivious to the death of Dr. Jekyll to even ask why?

Until last Friday. I went to see “The Little Prince”. A line struck a cord. It triggered a sentence a friend had recently said. That in turn triggered a post I had read. Then the questions came. The whys? Along with them, the answers. I now know why. Why I had to kill the old me. Why I had to rebel against the people in my immediate circle.

It boiled down to a simple innocent sentence uttered by a sincere friend. What did she say?

“You are naïve.”

I am now glad I have managed to pull up the hand brake on my transformation and made a sudden U-Turn.

But I had to go down that road. Sometime it is a lot easier to completely destroy something down to a rubble and then start rebuilding from scratch than to fix it.

But what I still don’t know is: Had I taken the mask off, or had just started to wear a new one. Am I wearing a mask now? Where is my real face gone?

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8 thoughts on “The Mr. Hyde in me is wide awake

  1. ok being happy is good. being mad is not.

    some ppl are mad n happy.

    if that pleases you, fine.

    i dont think it does. so ummm i dont know, maybe you wana talk about it ?

  2. Newton proved it “For every action, as an equal and opposite reaction”. Everything has a reason and is fueled by something. It’s just like the energy flow, transforming from one form to another.

    Nothing is lost forever, there are always glimpses of the vanished. Sometimes someone needs to go to extreme edges to rediscover true identity. Just look at the filled half of the glass and re-embrace what you loved about yourself, to what used to empower you to create something with purpose and meaningful.

    The awareness of the existence of the mask is the awakening of your soul, an echo that shreds the mask, a path for self acceptance. A new mask to rejuvenate what you thought had wilted, and it shall fall as you blossom again.

  3. Best Wishes to you Magical on your way to discovering the real you.

    It’s the most joyful journey in life. I hope you have some one who is walking with you side by side on your journey. enjoy un-maksing yourself.

    hugs for far far away.
    Maryam.

  4. I don’t think naivety is a bad trait – of course within limits. But there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a little naive. Quite the contrary, there’s an a sweet innocence to it that protects from all the jaded people of the world.

    Don’t take everything that people say to heart. Most of the time, they don’t even know what they’re talking about.

    cheer up MD! .. I’m sure your friend is a little jealous of you too 😉

  5. hi. thanks for your comment. well, what could I say!
    you have a beautiful blog. I read some of your posts and like them.
    about your last post: some times I try to make a connection with my inside. but that seems inpossible. I can’t or maybe I don’t want to!
    ( sorry my english is not very good and now my mind is to confuse to make the words correctly)
    just want to say: thats a great dicision to discover your inside.
    good luck!!!

  6. ok
    I think I’m going to have to start a philosophers circle and the first person I’m going to recruit is eshda3wa.
    I agree with her 100%!

  7. eshda3wa: my only fear is that my happiness is temporary.

    bb: That’s it!!! It doesn’t please me. I only turned evil to prove to a lot of people that if i am ‘nice’ it’s coz i choose to be so. Now that i have made my point i am going back to my old self. I like being ‘naive’ 😀 Thanks bb for your concern words.

    touche: “Sometimes someone needs to go to extreme edges to rediscover true identity.” That’s exactly what i had to go through. I now understand myself a lot better. Your comment is very well said, inspirational.

    maria: returns the hug 😀 unfortunately i’m taking this journey alone 😦

    Cixousian Panic: i read your comment 2 weeks ago and yesterday i realized the truth behind it: I now love the fact that i am naive. For me being naive means to sincerely believe that there still exist people who are innocent and it’s ok to trust people blindly.

    Regarding the jealousy part, i confronted my friend and she said yes there are times she wishes she would have faith in the goodness of people like me; her world is dark.

    sanaz: mersi azizam. Your English is excellent. I got to your post on death from a link on proshat’s site

    solar alchemist: LOL. How many other people have you recruited so far? Wearing a mask really does help you discover what makes you tick.

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