And the award for the best resume goes to…

Writing a resume (CV) is never easy an easy task…..but they sure can be funny.

Below are actual lines from some resumes I have received over the past few days:

  1. Objective: To work with a company where it’s possible to fully utilize my energy. (No problemo, join us and we will make sure to drain all the energy out of you)
  2. Martial Status: Exempted (Pleeeeeaaaaaseee tell me what you did to get exempted from marriage, please, please, please.)
  3. Martial Status: Straight (Hahahaha. No comment)
  4. Martial Status: Single Male (…and are you looking?)
  5. Martial Status: Maryed (I guess your husband is Johned)
  6. Inspector of English (So when do you think you would be promoted to Detective of English?)
  7. Experience: Instructuret of English (I should team you up with that Inspector of English)
  8. Email: **** (Talk about low self-esteem)
  9. Email: **** (Now this guy would be prefect for that new opening we have as Dracula’s assistant)
  10. Good communication skills: a. Own a car (Hmmm, I wonder which body part you use to communicate well when driving, hahaha ๐Ÿ˜€ He seriously put owning a car under communication skills)
  11. Personal Info: Have a wild Kuwaitis car license (Now why couldn’t I get one of those!!)
  12. Language: Italian ‘Fear in speaking; Good in Writing’ (Fear, huh? Fear of sounding sexy when speaking Italian, eh? wink, wink)
  13. Other skills: a. Body Language b. Common Senses (Body Language AND common sense, can I marry you?)
  14. Major: English. Estimation: Good (So you are good at estimating things huh? Let me test you, estimate the duration of my next mood swing)
  15. Languages: Arabic = good; English = good (Yeah, who needs to be excellent in any language, anyway)
  16. ….WI-FI (or High Infidelity) (Describing your marriage?)
  17. I have experience in the following areas: a. 3D Max, b. Flash, c. And another program (…I wonder why he wants to keep the name of the ‘other’ program a secret, hmmm?)
  18. Education: Lesance Faculty of Art part of Archology (Now I forgot, remind me again, does one get their lesance before or after Bachelors?…oh and which arch did you specialize in?)
  19. Skills: I’ve lived in Kuwait for over 15 years. (So you should ace the typical Kuwait history questions one always asks in interviews.)

A Tip:

Picture: Dudes, you don’t have to include a picture, but if you do, try to use one other than your mug shot.

17 thoughts on “And the award for the best resume goes to…

  1. hehehehhe that was funny! writing ur cv is very difficult, u dnt want to sound pompous and u dnt want to sound lame! but yeah hehehhee that was 7ada funny

  2. I had a very good morning luagh… Specially at the communication one!
    & the one with “body lang. & common sense!”
    OMG! I think I have to get a grip & stop laughin’ cos my coworker is seriously thinking that soemthing is wrong with me!

  3. I looove reading cv’s… exactly for the stuff mentioned in this post!
    My addition to this:
    “Studied english at the Univirsity in Lebnan and got certificat” – Did your prof there also study on a univirsity? Maybe english?

  4. princess: i just dread that somewhere someone is reading my resume and laughing….ouch

    proshat: those two were my fav too ๐Ÿ˜€

    rieaane: no way!!!! u seriously have seen that in a real resume? hahaha

    criticizer: welcome ๐Ÿ˜€

    evil knievel: LOL…loved it..thanks for sharing…hahaha…’and got certifiacte’…heeheehee

  5. haha, seriously I did not read that personally but my cousin told me, he swore it was true! hahaha ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. resume writing is truly an art. I also go through resumes when we need to hire and once I hired someone based purely on how good her resume was and she just lasted 1 week. Later I found out she had paid a lot of money to have the resume prepared…so it was all exaggerations!!!

  7. rieanne: I’ve seen some funny answers on forms as well.

    frieda: oh yeah, i’ve seen lots of exaggerations on resumes. and you know what, you can’t say they are lying, it’s all to do with the wording.

    mariamusic: they were two different people. the lines are not from the same resume

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