And the award for the best resume goes to…

Writing a resume (CV) is never easy an easy task…..but they sure can be funny.

Below are actual lines from some resumes I have received over the past few days:

  1. Objective: To work with a company where it’s possible to fully utilize my energy. (No problemo, join us and we will make sure to drain all the energy out of you)
  2. Martial Status: Exempted (Pleeeeeaaaaaseee tell me what you did to get exempted from marriage, please, please, please.)
  3. Martial Status: Straight (Hahahaha. No comment)
  4. Martial Status: Single Male (…and are you looking?)
  5. Martial Status: Maryed (I guess your husband is Johned)
  6. Inspector of English (So when do you think you would be promoted to Detective of English?)
  7. Experience: Instructuret of English (I should team you up with that Inspector of English)
  8. Email: ****nobody@yahoo.com (Talk about low self-esteem)
  9. Email: ****bloodsucker@yahoo.com (Now this guy would be prefect for that new opening we have as Dracula’s assistant)
  10. Good communication skills: a. Own a car (Hmmm, I wonder which body part you use to communicate well when driving, hahaha ๐Ÿ˜€ He seriously put owning a car under communication skills)
  11. Personal Info: Have a wild Kuwaitis car license (Now why couldn’t I get one of those!!)
  12. Language: Italian ‘Fear in speaking; Good in Writing’ (Fear, huh? Fear of sounding sexy when speaking Italian, eh? wink, wink)
  13. Other skills: a. Body Language b. Common Senses (Body Language AND common sense, can I marry you?)
  14. Major: English. Estimation: Good (So you are good at estimating things huh? Let me test you, estimate the duration of my next mood swing)
  15. Languages: Arabic = good; English = good (Yeah, who needs to be excellent in any language, anyway)
  16. ….WI-FI (or High Infidelity) (Describing your marriage?)
  17. I have experience in the following areas: a. 3D Max, b. Flash, c. And another program (…I wonder why he wants to keep the name of the ‘other’ program a secret, hmmm?)
  18. Education: Lesance Faculty of Art part of Archology (Now I forgot, remind me again, does one get their lesance before or after Bachelors?…oh and which arch did you specialize in?)
  19. Skills: I’ve lived in Kuwait for over 15 years. (So you should ace the typical Kuwait history questions one always asks in interviews.)

A Tip:

Picture: Dudes, you don’t have to include a picture, but if you do, try to use one other than your mug shot.

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17 thoughts on “And the award for the best resume goes to…

  1. hehehehhe that was funny! writing ur cv is very difficult, u dnt want to sound pompous and u dnt want to sound lame! but yeah hehehhee that was 7ada funny

  2. I had a very good morning luagh… Specially at the communication one!
    & the one with “body lang. & common sense!”
    OMG! I think I have to get a grip & stop laughin’ cos my coworker is seriously thinking that soemthing is wrong with me!

  3. I looove reading cv’s… exactly for the stuff mentioned in this post!
    My addition to this:
    “Studied english at the Univirsity in Lebnan and got certificat” – Did your prof there also study on a univirsity? Maybe english?

  4. princess: i just dread that somewhere someone is reading my resume and laughing….ouch

    proshat: those two were my fav too ๐Ÿ˜€

    rieaane: no way!!!! u seriously have seen that in a real resume? hahaha

    criticizer: welcome ๐Ÿ˜€

    evil knievel: LOL…loved it..thanks for sharing…hahaha…’and got certifiacte’…heeheehee

  5. haha, seriously I did not read that personally but my cousin told me, he swore it was true! hahaha ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. resume writing is truly an art. I also go through resumes when we need to hire and once I hired someone based purely on how good her resume was and she just lasted 1 week. Later I found out she had paid a lot of money to have the resume prepared…so it was all exaggerations!!!

  7. rieanne: I’ve seen some funny answers on forms as well.

    frieda: oh yeah, i’ve seen lots of exaggerations on resumes. and you know what, you can’t say they are lying, it’s all to do with the wording.

    mariamusic: they were two different people. the lines are not from the same resume

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