5 questions I had to answer in order to find happiness

Yesterday a coworker, who has only known me for a month, said, “You have great communication skills.”

I must have done at least 10 cartwheels right there. Yipeeeeeeeee. It worked, it worked. I managed to do it; I managed to change a vice into a virtue. How did I do it? By answering five questions; of course it has taken more than 10 months but the important thing is that it worked. Those questions were:

1. Am I as happy as I can be?

The answer was no. I used to be, but somehow I lost that sensation. The only place I was truly happy and light spirited was inside a classroom. I love teaching; I love being inside the class with those inquisitive minds. But as soon as I stepped out, I felt a dark heavy load all over my body. No, I definitely wasn’t happy. I mean if someone screams at a stranger in a parking lot, then something is not going right in their lives.

2. Do I want to be?

It took some time to realize that I can even ask such a question. I don’t have to remain unhappy. I have the right to want to be happy; the question is do I want to? It’s not an easy as it sounds. I had to make a conscious decision to want to be happy. After a couple months of thinking, I finally answered, yes, I do; I want to be happy.

3. What makes me happy?

Once I answered question 2, I asked myself, ‘ok, fine, so what makes you happy? I started making a list of cliché stuff, like chocolate, beach, sound of water, etc, when I realized that none of these things make me happy anymore. Other than being in class, nothing made me happy!!! I had sunk so low in this abyss that I had no idea what made me happy anymore. So the answer to this question was either nothing…or maybe I don’t know.

So I started observing myself closely. The days that I came home in high spirits, I made a list of things I had done, seen, talked about, thought about, even eaten. I did the same thing for days I came home and went straight to bed without exchanging a single word with anyone.

Eventually I managed to pinpoint the source of my unhappiness. It wasn’t external, it wasn’t the people around me, it wasn’t my work, my home, my environment, it was me. I was the source of my unhappiness. I wasn’t happy with who I was, with the Noushin (my real name) inside me. So I had to ask the next question.

4. What do I love/hate about myself?

To my surprise, this question was now easy for me to answer. I made a list.

What I hate:

  • I’m quick tempered
  • I’m reserved
  • I often feel unloved/unappreciated (to me being loved and appreciated is the same thing)
  • I don’t let go
  • I expect people to be mind readers and if they don’t I think they don’t care
  • I have very low-self esteem
  • etc.

I then realized that all of the above can be narrowed down to 1 thing: I don’t communicate.

If I communicate and tell people how I feel, things wouldn’t bottle up and I won’t lose my temper quickly, I’m reserved because I’m not comfortable talking about my emotions, I don’t let go because I don’t tell people when I feel they have hurt or wronged me, I have low self-esteem because I don’t object when people put me down.

5. What are my steps to happiness?

So to be happy, I had to learn to communicate well. Nothing should bottle up. This way, I can get rid of my vices, which would make me fall in love with myself, which would make me happy.

I now feel I have been happy for the past 2 months or so. Is it just because I communicated every time I felt I was going to curl up in my cave? I think so.


12 thoughts on “5 questions I had to answer in order to find happiness

  1. i have the same problem. the only thing which makes me happy is doing the things i love. like, being a photographer, yes. it’s my dream in life.

    and i have a low self-esteem as well, especially the self-image issue.

    and i’m on the same boat, i won’t be happy if i don’t do/specialize in what i love.

    but the problem is i’m unemployed, i can’t do a thing. i’m frozen still in my place.

    but i do feel what you mean.

    i hope you’ll feel happy. ❤

  2. i used to be very unhappy , but then i started living one day at a time … it works ..

    Nice article btw !

  3. Very nice article, a masterpiece I dare say! People in this world are always seeking for happiness, sometimes spending too much money to find happines but at the end the real source of happiness lies within us from our innerself,we must have to be satisfied with ourself first to find the real happiness!

  4. WOW. Magical, what an inspirational post. You really blew me away. WOW. You are finding a way to make yourself happier. How cool is that?

  5. As a CANCERIAN.. like yourself 😉 I must say i used to feel the same until I became more social and more interactive with the people around me. I didn’t only have a higher self esteem but i also noticed I believed more and more in myself and my abilities. Thus, I became a more productive person.

    Smart post and very meaningful.

  6. il-zain: u love photography as well? Can’t wait to see some of you pix.

    I am happy because i no longer have a low self-esteem.

    “but the problem is i’m unemployed, i can’t do a thing. i’m frozen still in my place.”…il-zain, what i have learnt is that there is always something you can do. You are never frozen in life.

    grey: thanks…i bet being an almost father is a great source of happiness

    rieanne: finally someone who agrees with me. Most people i try to tell that you can build you own happiness laugh at my face!!!But it has worked for me. i just wish i had known it earlier though.

    intlxpatr: thanks.

    canc3rian: i used to blacklist people who got on my nerves. I have now realize that being unsociable is mentally unhealthy. you got to build realtionships, that’s how you get to know yourself.

    proshat: gr8. it would take some time. it took me almost 10 months. But it feels good.

  7. rieanne: yipeeee. I love tags 😀

    cece: Thanks hun. Me all smiles now :D..*goes to check out the tag*

    joel: Thanks 🙂

    cancer3ian: shokraan 😀

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