“I’ll never say cancer is a gift because I’ll never give it to you. But cancer can be a catalyst, a teacher”–-Kris Carr
A cursed blessing…that’s what my boss called it…called cancer.
I…now…agree with her…it is a curse…and a blessing.
I know in my last posts I kept saying that the reality I choose to believe in was that mom was not sick. That’s what I keep repeating into her ears over and over again.
When she says, “I am so tired I can’t even move leg.”
I say, “So what? Everyone feels that way once in a while. You will feel fine tomorrow.”
When she says, “She over heard the doctor saying her disease is incurable.”
I say, “Incurable means it is always going to be there. It doesn’t mean it’s fatal.”
When she says, “She knows she won’t ever be able to walk again.”
I say, “So what? Wheelchairs are fun!”
I said it, but I acted it, and she believe me, she felt it…but I didn’t.
As soon as I left the hospital room, tears poured down. I guess deep down I didn’t believe my own words. The words and thoughts of the articles I kept reading online were more powerful. Deep down that was the reality I was beginning to accept…that’s why I kept taking mental pictures of my mom…I was afraid I won’t get any more chances.
Thankfully Reza (friend/reader) entered my life.
I always believe every single person who enters your life does so for a reason–they are God sent. He messaged me, he talked about his own personal experience, he answered my question, and he introduced me to Kris Carr and her Documentary “Crazy Sexy Cancer”
It’s about a witty, vibrant, intelligent thirty something actress living in New York who documents her attitude towards coming to terms with cancer over a course of 3 years…till she can start to call herself a survivor.
Here’s a trailer to the documentary:
Here’s a segment when she appeared on Oprah:
Here’s her giving tips on Crazy Sexy Cancer:
and of course her website and links to her video and books: http://www.crazysexycancer.com
and my favorite quotes from her documentary:
“Cancer wasn’t killing me, it was pushing me to live”
“Maybe my lesson was about patience and acceptance. If I could learn to make peace with my disease, even if it didn’t go away, then i could do anything.”
“Like Alice in Cancerland, I felt like I was falling down a New Age rabbit hole.”
“I’ll never say cancer is a gift because I’ll never give it to you. But cancer can be a catalyst, a teacher”
“When there are no answers, you have to find your own”
“Life is messy and brilliant, gorgeous and staggering, sexy and crazy…just like cancer.
Thank you Reza