Dust unto Dust

Dear Mom,

If I accept that now, you are no longer a prisoner of your body;

If I understand that now, you are at your eternal peace;

If I realize that you had to go for you had reached the seventh stage;

.

If every time you appear in dreams, there’s an aura of tranquility around you;

If every time an image of you pops in front of me, you are smiling;

If your soul has engulfed my every waking and sleeping moments;

.

If I know you at a much better place now;

…then why does is ache so bad?…why is each day getting more painful for me to get through?…why is life so meaningless without you?

RIP Mom
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15 thoughts on “Dust unto Dust

  1. Dear Darya
    I was so sorry to read about your loss. I have recently suffered a loss too and understand a little of what you may be going through. My thoughts are with u.

  2. Sorry about your loss. I lost my father 12 years ago and the pain is still there. We just learn to live with it.
    Please accept my condolences.

  3. Nomutter, ab and Kambiz: Thank you for your sympathy. It is much appreciated.

    ab..thank you for checking in on me. How are you holding you?

  4. Hey Darya – lovely to c u back x

    I am ok – it was a year this month so i have been feeling a little low. It’s weird but i have realised u don’t ‘get over it’ but rather it becomes a part of who u are to some extent. I hope that doesn’t make you feel sad but that is how i feel. I have put photos and momentos around the house this week – just because i want to feel closer to my dear dad. It is working because i have a good old cry and laugh and then i move on to living life and then i am reminded again and again. But more and more now i remember the good things and laugh so much because the rawness of my loss is ebbing a little. I will never forget the day, week month it all happened but it does get a little easier. Don’t know if that makes any sense. Talking and crying to my husband is helping me a great deal.

    I read your most recent post asking why? I understand those feeling – it is such a loss – of course you are going to ask such questions. I wanted to investigate the doctors and all sorts when my dad passed away! I was angry, confused and just plain sad. Actually, i think i was shocked for such a long time too – shocked that it actually happened.

    Sorry for such a long post:-) Darya, just take your time, sweetie. Thinking of u

  5. ab: Thank you ‘sincerely’ for sharing your experience.

    “I hope that doesn’t make you feel sad but that is how i feel” -actually that makes me feel better. everyone keeps telling me i would get over it and that time would heal; well i don’t want to ‘get over it’, i don’t want to ‘heal’; i want to come to terms with it; i want to accept it but not get over it. Thanks ab for saying “it becomes a part of who u are to some extent.” That’s exactly what i hope it wud do.

    “I have put photos and mementos around the house this week”–i haven’t got to this stage yet. I can’t look at mom’s pictures. We just moved houses and i haven’t put up any pictures of her. My laptop background pic is of a close up photo of her smiling, i close my eyes or look away every time i start or shut down my laptop. I avoid places i used to frequent with her coz as soon as i walk in i start sobbing…

    Now i am learning how to cope, i think i have found a way to make life more bearable, so far it’s working

    Once again, thanks ab for sharing your thoughts, experience, and for checking in on me 😀

  6. Darya
    Sounds like u r doing a good job of coping with it altho it may not always feel like it right now. I am here if you need to chat. Take care
    ab x

  7. thanks ab…I really appreciate your endless sympathy; Your kind thoughts do make a difference.

    I never did ask, did your father also have cancer? Did you know he was ill?

  8. Hi Darya – good to c u back xx

    He has heart disease but was doing ok with it. [I can’t always talk about him in the past tense]He was taking all his medication for the last few years. Then he went into hospital with a lung infection and the got pneumonia and passed away after about 3 days in hospital. It was all so sudden and i didn’t quite make it back in time to see him before he passed away. I had managed to leave Kuwait and I was 2 hours away but was not to be:-(

  9. It is baffling and people have baffled over it for centuries as we are.

    I don’t know where they are – I pray my dad is in a better place and hopefully not in any pain. That’s all i can do really.

    I hope u r keeping ok x

  10. I honestly don’t know why i want detailed answers to this question…it’s like I NEED to know how she’s doing, what she is up to, what she did today, can she see me, I NEED to be updated

    I know, I would never know the answers, but I also don’t know why it’s so difficult for me to just accept that I would never know

    by the way, I just want to let you know I SINCERELY appreciate all your kind thoughts and returned visits…thank you 🙂

  11. Darya – god bless u and keep you strong.

    Your mum was lucky to have such a loving daughter and of course it sounds like you were lucky to have her in your life. Remember all the wonderful things about her as you have in your recent posts. You [and me!] were lucky to have all this love in your life – many people don’t get it at all. It is difficult for you to accept this loss because she was everything to you – part of u – a huge part.

    I love visiting ur blog huni – you can’t keep me away xx

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