If I ever save a fairy and she is ever so grateful and she decided to abide by the fairy tale rule of granting me one wish and she considers my first wish (to have as many wishes as I like) as an invalid wish, then my only second wish would be to never forget the lessons I have learned in life.

One lesson I keep forgetting over and over again is to stop playing the victim; to stop blaming others for my misfortunes. It’s me. It’s me. It’s me.

I was talking to someone in her early 80s and he was nagging about his kids and how ungrateful they are. I met one of his daughters later on that evening and the things she said about her dad…well. let’s just say he’s got great kids that they still talk to him!! If what the daughter told me was true.

Then it got me thinking…so when I complain or am upset with certain people in my life, could it be that it’s not them, it’s me?!! Am I just as blind as that old guy. He truly didn’t see that his current situation is the result of his actions (or mistreatment of his loved ones). My question is: How do I know if what happens to me is not the result of my bitchiness?

I guess I got my answer today. I was surfing when I came across the 12 laws of Karma. One of the laws is: THE LAW OF RESPONSIBILITY

Whenever there is something wrong,
there is something wrong in me.
We mirror what surrounds us
and what surrounds us mirrors us
We must take responsibility what is in our life.

No Expectations

I don’t know why for the past few days I wake up with a smile…a deep, light, sincere smile.

I don’t know why for the past few weeks all my dreams of mom are as if she never left. As if 2009 never happened.

I don’t know why my soul started decluttering without discussing it with me first.

I don’t know why my logical side no longer seeks answers.

I don’t know why I no longer feel angry; I hold no resentment against anyone; I no longer loath any thing or anyone.

I don’t know why I am calm; I am light.

I don’t know why I no longer want things, nor need things.

I don’t know why I no longer have any expectations from myself, from others, from god, from life, from destiny.

I don’t know what took over my soul; all I know is I like it.

How or why it happened, I don’t know

3 options

I am reading Echart Tolle’s The Power of Now and came across a sentence I wish I could learn to master:

“Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find you are here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally.” (p82)

Greatest love of all???

My energy level is low…very low these days…except when I am at work…my new job has given me the passion I had long lost in the masquerade parties of my old work place…but since this universe never lets things be balanced, my personal life has lopsided…I don’t enjoy any one’s company anymore…anyone currently in my life…a minute chat with total strangers gives me more energy than a single exchange of words with my so-called friends…they haven’t done anything…it is I who have changed…


You know how sometimes a song starts playing on your ipod that you have heard a billion times in the past 20 years but have never actually ‘listen’ to it…that’s what happened last night…I ‘listened’ to Whitney Houston’s song “Saving all my love for you’ for the first time and it just dawned on me that she is the other woman in this song!!! How come I had never paid attention to the lyrics before?


Talking of Whitney Houston, I think her song “Greatest love of all” is gravely underrated…it’s the perfect song…the words should be taught in school…grade one…as the book of life…our manual…yeah the greatest love of all is learning to love yourself?…. Or is it?…what does loving yourself really mean anyway? …A while ago I was thinking whether there’s any truth behind this quote: “If you are afraid of being lonely, don’t try to be right.”…Almost every single person told me yep it’s right…but doesn’t it mean that you would have to give up your dignity for the sake of not being right?…




I believe the children are our are future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be
Everybody searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone who fulfill my needs
A lonely place to be
So I learned to depend on me

I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone’s shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I’ll live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can’t take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all

I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be


And if by chance, that special place
That you’ve been dreaming of
Leads you to a lonely place
Find your strength in love

Windmills of My Mind

Neverending circles

Never ending circles


I want my inner zombies back…
Being blissfully numb is gnawing at my ferocity.. .
Had been blissful before, had been numb before…just never blissfully numb
Yeah, I want my inner zombies back, this utopia is too drone
Want my dystopia back
The winds have been turning the windmills of my mind again…
Sleep is laden with illusionary images again…
The reel, the snowball, the carnival balloon, the carousel are all here
Was it something I said, was it something I should have said
Will I ever get put the fragments together, will the puzzle be ever completed
I want this jangle to irate me, I want this temple to misguide me
I want to trade this blissful numbness for a teacher …for a joker
First I will break the wings of my angel,
Then I will bury my dancing shoes
How should I drown out the piper I wonder?
Need to inject some toxins in my spirit,
Need to combat the voice within
Need to dry out the sweet rain
I can’t tell,
Can’t tell where I left my soul shaker
Don’t know,
I don’t know how to throw the dice on the game of snakes and ladder anymore




Wrote this at wee hour of a Thursday morning after listening to “Windmills of your Mind” over and over again. I first heard this song in music class in grade 2 or 3. The melody was stuck somewhere at the back of my ‘windmills’ for many years. I ‘found’ the song 2 years ago on one the blogs but didn’t quite get it till this morning. Finally the lyrics clicked; now that my mind is entangled in the same whirlpool

The original version of the song and in my opinion the best version



Dusty Springfield’s version is the best female version of it.



The Windmills Of Your Mind

(from “The Thomas Crown Affair”)

Music by Michel Legrand
Lyrics by Alan Bergman and Marilyn Bergman

Round, like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel.
Never ending or beginning,
On an ever spinning wheel
Like a snowball down a mountain
Or a carnival balloon
Like a carousel that’s turning
Running rings around the moon

Like a clock whose hands are sweeping
Past the minutes on its face
And the world is like an apple
Whirling silently in space
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind

Like a tunnel that you follow
To a tunnel of its own
Down a hollow to a cavern
Where the sun has never shone
Like a door that keeps revolving
In a half forgotten dream
Or the ripples from a pebble
Someone tosses in a stream.

Like a clock whose hands are sweeping
Past the minutes on its face
And the world is like an apple
Whirling silently in space
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind

Keys that jingle in your pocket
Words that jangle in your head
Why did summer go so quickly
Was it something that you said
Lovers walking along the shore,
Leave their footprints in the sand
Is the sound of distant drumming
Just the fingers of your hand

Pictures hanging in a hallway
And a fragment of a song
Half remembered names and faces
But to whom do they belong

When you knew that it was over
In the autumn of goodbyes
For a moment
You could not recall the color of his eyes

[if a man is singing, this part would be:]

When you knew that it was over
Were you suddenly aware
That the autumn leaves were turning
To the color of her hair?

Like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel
Never ending or beginning,
On an ever spinning wheel
As the images unwind
Like the circle that you find
In the windmills of your mind

No longer a Mirror Polisher

Today marks the 18 month-and- 20 day anniversary of when I wrote my first post (don’t look at me like that, I’m sure there’s some tribe some where in the world that actually celebrates an 18 month and 20 day anniversary).

I was in the middle of writing a post on “The Five people I will meet in Heaven” when I realize that the phase of being a “Mirror Polisher” is completed. Here’s an excerpt from the post I explain the story behind the name:

Why Mirror Polisher? Coz I used to dread mirrors. I would only look into one in the mornings when brushing my hair, and even then only at my hair, never into my eyes. For some reason, staring straight into my own eyes wasn’t too comfortable for me. Maybe it was because our eyes are mirrors of our souls; if you look deep enough you can see the essence of one’s soul. For me a Mirror Polisher is a person who is not afraid of seeking self-awareness, who polishes the mirror to get a clear reflection of their soul.

Well, people, I am done polishing. I now know who I am. I am now happy with who I am. I now love having mirrors all over the house…and these mirrors are so well polished that the eyes that stare back at me no longer intimidate me.

So, it’s time I left this blog.

Just like I left Magical Droplets.

But who am I going to be now?







I’ll be me.

No nicknames, no words that best describe me, no symbols of what defines me, just me…

Actually scratch what I just said…I can’t use my real real name!!! Not that I write anything I wouldn’t want anyone who knows me in real life to read, but still…it would be creepy knowing that they know about my blog but I don’t know they know

Hmmmmm, give me time to think of a new nickname.

*goes to think*

Wanna peaceful state of mind—throw away all your beliefs :D

Quick question: How do you know you are right?

I’m not talking about anything in particular; just in general. How do you know you are right about anything—your religious beliefs, political stands, causes you believe in, or whether chocolate cake truly is much better than vanilla cake.

I used to be a person who thought that my beliefs are strongly rooted in logic and common sense and anyone who didn’t agree with them was a blind stubborn imbecile with a rat’s $hit for brains stuck in the dark ages 😀

Now I say, the only problem with common sense is that there’s nothing common about it!!

As for logic, well logic all depends on how far you tilt your head, your mood, or whether you are pmsing or not.

Logic is an illusion.

Have you guys seen that Facebook Right-Brain vs Left-Brain application that asks you to say which way the girl is dancing? When I first saw it, I thought WTH, of course it’s clockwise; there’s nothing illusionary about it. It’s clear as day. Boy did I get the shock of my life when I saw how many people have said she is twirling counter-clockwise.

What, are these people blind??!!! This is NOT an illusion; she is clearly twirling clockwise; why couldn’t they see it???

Ok, maybe a possible explanation is that it keeps changing directions. But no EVERY time I saw it, it was clockwise. SO WHY COULDN’T PEOPLE SEE IT THE WAY I SAW IT.

Again, I repeat this image is not an optical illusion. See with other optical illusion pictures nothing is clear; the pictures are always half way between something; so I can accept why some see a frog, some a horse; some and old woman, some young; BUT THIS PICTURE WAS CLEAR.

Then it hit me; if I just tilt my head to the left a little bit, I would see her twirling counter-clockwise!!! I practiced till I got her to turn the other way. 😀

But then two days later, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t “see” her turning counter-clockwise. Apparently my mood also affects my perception.

Hmmm, so how often had I been so sure of my beliefs before, how often was I 100% what I was seeing is crystal clear and how often was I shocked that others didn’t see what I saw.

So if all those time I would have just tilted my head, I could have seen what they saw.

Are all our strong held beliefs just like this dancing girl?

PS. If you cannot see her turning in the picture above go here

PPS Also go there to get the interpretation of your test result.

PPPS. Baba, ya ammy, ya amu, ya walek…just go there 😀

UPDATE: A non-virtual friend just sent me this video related to the above topic. Check it out: