It was two years ago today; two years.
Two years since you took you last breath…though, you had bid your farewell 4 days prior to that. You knew you only had four days left; the last time you were able to clearly communicate, you told us…individually..we weren’t allowed all in the room…you said your goodbyes…but I didn’t say it back…I still believed you will win this battle again…till two days after that day…it was two years and two days ago it dawned on me you are not going to win this time…how did I know? Well, one thing you learn after living in a cancer ward for 9 months is when someone’s soul is about to leave..it’s in their eyes mostly…and their hands…cold hands…hollow eyes…I came in your room, I knew you felt my presence but didn’t open you eyes, I took your hands to massage it…they were cold, i dropped your hands, I opened you eyes…it was empty…that’s when I knew, you had two days…I phoned Afshin and Arash, and told them..two days! That’s how long it took…two days…and you knew…you had told us so.
I still have the last piece of writing you wrote on that 4th day;
I still have your mobile;
I still have the shoes you wore when we transfered you from Kuwait’s hospital to Iran
I still have the slippers you wore in the hospital
…and I still have those little spiral blue notebooks you bought 2 dozens of because you loved writing down notes
The only thing I haven’t been able to touch in the past two years, is the last note you wrote
I will, soon…the thing is, everytime I think I am ready, I …
Dad and sisters called today…they had just come from visiting you…I haven’t been since we last bid farewell…to me you are not there…you are not…you can’t be…